Friday, July 23, 2010

Self Evaluation

I just want to share my testimony about the power of prayer, self evaluation, and most of all Love. I have never participated in a community prayer, so when Stephanie invited me to call into the Morning Prayer on Thursday’s I was very hesitant. My marriage like several other marriages is not perfect. We have disagreements which leads to arguments that then leads to words being said that will eventually bruise that individual. This is how my marriage was going. Dr. Emerson Eggerich gave an awesome name for the actions that continued to occur in my marriage. Dr. Eggerich with Love and Respect called those events the “Crazy Cycle”. Even though I took responsibility for the things I may have done, did not do, say, or did not say, I continued to express to my husband what he was lacking to do, or say. He would always tell me “how can see my faults but can’t see yours”. I would just ignore him because I felt as though I entered our marriage under “false pretense”. I also felt as though he breached the contract for which we had both agreed too.

It was not until the Thursday morning I called in and actually poured my heart out to God. I didn’t speak my usual prayer of “Lord please change my husband. Lord open his eyes to see what he is doing wrong according to your word…” God lead me into a direction of praying that I had never done before. I began speaking about ME. I requested God to please show me what I am doing wrong. I asked him to please help me be the wife I was created to be according to His Word. I also asked God to help me be more SUBMISSIVE to the Head of my Household. I then began to hear His voice. It was so Loud and Clear I was overwhelmed. I believe God knew I was overwhelmed because it was if he gave me a hug and I was able to calm down to acknowledge, hear, and understand what he was saying to me. He sent me to his word Matthew 7:1-5:

1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

When He said this to me I then understood what my husband was saying to me all along. We as women sometimes like to look at our spouses and blame them for all the wrong that occurs. We tend to “knit pick” every little thing our husband does wrong. We should take a step back and think about what have we done or did not do that could have contributed to the issue we are facing. We also have to realize that it is not our spouse we are fighting against but it is the ENEMY. According to Ephesians 6:10-12
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. 11Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
He also made me aware that if I claim to have the Holy Spirit dwelling in me my actions will reveal such. I would get easily frustrated and angry with my husband over little things but that is not of God. He told me to read II Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Women, look around when you go to church. We are lacking our men. The Enemy is attacking our men physically, spiritually, and mentally. The Enemy does not want marriages to work. If you are wonder why…it is simple…Marriage is ordained by God. Marriage is a covenant made between one man and one woman and the piece that holds it together is GOD. The enemy knows is cannot eliminate God so he goes for the next best thing…God’s creation…either the Man or Woman.
Women…we have to fight for our marriages as if our life depends on it. We can’t just give up because we believe our husband “breach the contract”. We have to let the Enemy know We know who he is and fight him just like Jesus did…with the Word.
Women lets be like the virtuous women in Proverbs 31 “…she openeth her mouth with wisdom and her tongue is the law of kindness…” Let us lift our men up to Christ. Let us all conduct a self evaluation and commit to changing our ways. Let us commit to loving our husband as whole heartedly for we know no matter what obstacles that come if we love and show love no matter what we will win “…and now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love” II Corinthians 13:13.

I am sharing this with you all because through my self evaluation I realize that I was not praying a sincere prayer to God I was only complaining. I realized that I loved my husband but I was only showing him love when he showed me love. Finally, I was not respecting him as the head of my household. We are instructed to respect our husbands in Ephesians 5:32.

To all my the women living for Christ…have you conducted a self evaluation of yourself? Are you praying a sincere prayer or are you complaining to God? Do you love your husband the way His Word instructs us to or are you showing him love according to what he does for you? Are you showing your husband you love him? Are you respecting your husband as the Head of the Household?

Written by Shajunia Snider Brown

15 comments:

  1. As women we are guilty as charged! I know I am. What really hit me was when you talked about 'only showing love according to what your husband does for you.' I have been guilty of this. I no longer have a marriage...only on paper. My husband and I have been apart for over 7 years. I wish I knew then, what I know now. My husband is unsaved and is not interested in reconciling, so i have decided to press on with divorce proceedings.

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  2. Angelica HamiltonJuly 27, 2010 at 11:42 AM

    Dear Anonymous: If you really want your marriage to continue, it's not too late. There is nothing too hard for our God. I know couples who were separated longer than 7 years and the Lord restored. I admonish you to seek God for your husband's salvation, "For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife", 1 Corinthians 7:14 "16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?" 1 Corinthians 7:16 In other words, You never know, wife: the way you handle this (praying for him and living a sanctified, clean life) might bring your husband back to God (and to you). Even if you decide not to reconcile, still pray for him, his soul is important. I'll pray with you wife!

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  3. Shajunia Snider-BrownJuly 27, 2010 at 10:22 PM

    Dear Anonymous: I totally agree with Angelica Hamilton. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH JESUS!! I too encourage you to continue praying for your Husband. Just as Mrs. Hamilton stated it is in God's Word I Corinthians 7:14 "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy". Given God's Word continue to pray for your husband because through your prays he may be saved. However, if not it is also stated in Gods Word in the 15 verse "Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace." Again even if you do not recocile I encourage you to continue to pray a sincere prayer for your husband salvation. We will be standing in the gap for you your husband your marriage and family!

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  4. Morning was my first time calling in and I am still praising for the prayers heard this morning. It's was nothing but GOD that I was given this site. I have been married for seven years. My husband has attended church regularly with me and our kids. He is not saved. We have hit a rough path in our marriage. I was sexual assaulted 17 years ago and thought that I had forgiven the person and moved passed the assault. Not until I started counseling this year and realized that it still affected me. I didn't show affection, etc regularly since that was my defense to not let anyone get close to me. I have prayed and about this for years but never truly had a repentant heart. The Lord blessed us with space apart and it has opened my eyes to my own faults. I truly never understood the importance in intimacy and how we as couples only can withhold intimacy is during fasting and praying and once we finish are to become one with our spouses so Satan wont temp us. I have learned a lot. I am also reading Stormie Omartin The Power Of Prayer To Change Your Marriage. This book and the study guide has truly helped me.

    Here is some information that I want to share.

    The best way to have good communication with your spouse is to first be in good communication with God. If it's true that "out of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34), then you have to ask God to fill your heart abundantly with His love every day so that the words you speak are love.

    Ask God to give you wisdom to speak the right things the right way. " The Heart of the wise teaches his mouth ,and adds learning to his lips" (Proverbs 16:23)

    If Communication Breaks Down
    Lord, I INVITE YOUR PRESENCE to dwell in our marriage. I pray that You would protect my husband (wife) and me from any kind of breakdown of communication. Enable us to always share our thoughts and feelings and refuse to be people who don't talk. Teach us to trust each other enough to share our deepest hopes, dreams, fears, ad struggles with one another. Helps us to spend time communicating with You every day so that our communication with each other will always be good. Teach us how to openly express love for one another, and keep us from any laziness or selfishness that would cause us to neglect to do that. Help us to refuse to speak words that tear down, but words that build up (Ephesians 4:29).
    Deliver us from any temptation to lie to each other about anything or deal falsely with each other (Leviticus 19:11). Help us to be totally honest and open about everything. Teach us to speak with truth, wisdom, instruction, and understanding. We don't want to be " always learning and never able to come into the knowledge of the truth" (2 Timothy 3:7).
    Teach us to listen to one another and recognize the signs in each other that give us greater understanding. Help us find things we enjoy doing together so that will grow closer and not apart. Enable us to be able to communicate love, appreciation, and honor to each other at all times. Teach us to recognize the enemy's plan to steal, rob, and destroy our marriage. Enable us to understand his methods and see his attempts to stir strife and miscommunication. Help us to settle all matters of disagreement between us to always be in unity with You and with each other. In Jesus name I pray.

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  5. This morning was my first time calling in and I am still praising for the prayers heard this morning. It's was nothing but GOD that I was given this site. I have been married for seven years. My husband has attended church regularly with me and our kids. He is not saved. We have hit a rough path in our marriage. I was sexual assaulted 17 years ago and thought that I had forgiven the person and moved passed the assault. Not until I started counseling this year and realized that it still affected me. I didn't show affection, etc regularly since that was my defense to not let anyone get close to me. I have prayed and about this for years but never truly had a repentant heart. The Lord blessed us with space apart and it has opened my eyes to my own faults. I truly never understood the importance in intimacy and how we as couples only can withhold intimacy is during fasting and praying and once we finish are to become one with our spouses so Satan wont temp us. I have learned a lot. I am also reading Stormie Omartin The Power Of Prayer To Change Your Marriage. This book and the study guide has truly helped me.
    Here is some information that I want to share.
    The best way to have good communication with your spouse is to first be in good communication with God. If it's true that "out of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34), then you have to ask God to fill your heart abundantly with His love every day so that the words you speak are love.
    Ask God to give you wisdom to speak the right things the right way. " The Heart of the wise teaches his mouth ,and adds learning to his lips" (Proverbs 16:23)

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  6. VERY POWERFUL AND AN EYE OPENER...THANKS!

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  7. Marriage in "TROUBLE" because of the cracks
    in both foundations! Some very powerful miss-
    ing truth.

    So please keep us in prayer!

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  8. Thank you all for reaching out to me and you didn't even know it. We have been separated for 14 months and during this time I have been working on me, I read, pray, and fast. I am praying for reconcilation. I love my husband with all my heart and believe we can salvage our marriage. I am standing now. Letting God fight my battle. I'm listening, being quiet, and patient. It was very hard to do sometimes because I had to accept that I can only change me. God is working on both of us. Again thank you for the powerful words, scriptures, and testimonies. I am hopeful and encourage.

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  9. Please pray for me and my husband. I am seeking reconciliation and restoration ten-fold in our marriage. He is running from God and his marriage and seeking divorce. But I am by the blood of Jesus that the Devil is not going to still my blessing, which is my marriage. I need people everywhere to stand with me and believe that my husband is coming back. We have been separated since May, but I will not give up. I am at peace that God will work miracles. My husband is an anointed preacher, musician, singer and songwriter for God. I am an anointed singer, songwriter and musician. Together, we can make the Devil tremble as we bless lives. Not only do I need us together, so do many others who were blessed by our gifts. We let the world get in our marriage. We are both at fault. I solicit and appreciate your love, prayers and support. Please pray for Carlitos and Guenevere Ramos. We live in NC, but he is in Afghanistan working and I am in Kuwait. Pray God send us back to NC together. I would rather be broke together than making money and lose my husband, my best friend.

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  10. After my earlier post, things turned around for the worst. My husband and I too have allowed outside influences to distract and affect our marriage. On Tuesday he was ready to reooncile and go to counseling, then on Thursday of last week, he said he doesnt want to be married anymore. I want to reconcile and he is seeking divorce. I also ask for you to pray for me and my husband James' marriage. God please restore our marriage. Also, that God"s will be done. He ordains marriage and not divorce. Please fix us individually and whole heartedly. My heart hurts and yesterday I beat him down with words because he ignored me and is also angry and bitter. I am praying for a miracle. Please stand and pray for us. He is my best friend and the love of my life.

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  11. Dear Mary, your story moved me so I want to remind you that God is an AWESOME God and can do all things but fail!Despite your circumstances God is Still in Control. God will always give us just what we need when we need it. Let Him heal your broken heart. Let the Holy Spirit be your comforter even when you can't find comfort in your husband's arms. Cast all your cares on Jesus because His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Don't let the adversary confuse you any longer.Speak words of life and not death. Stand firm in the knowledge of Jesus Christ and the Victory that belongs to you. Claim the Victory and Peace for your marriage right now!! Be encouraged and hold on to the promises of God!- Maribel S.

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  12. I've been separated fr my husand since February. He insists on not ending an affair he started with a filipina fr Mindanao in 2008 he met while on deployment there. He doesn't want a divorce but promises to never leave her either. We have been married 17 years and have 2 very young sons 6 and 4 mos. My husband insists that this is of God as he says God has blessed David and many men with concubines, mistresses, and many wives, and I need to look at them. I feel so ripped apart, in a nightmare I want to wake up from. I fast and I pray this has been ongoing for almost 2 years. I pray for my marriage and my family and know full well the enemy is attacking, the enemy hates all marriages, all Christ's followers. My husband is so blinded by the devil's lies and his own sin. He has turned away from his Lord and Savior but says he still prays for us everyday and that this is God's blessing, I'm so outraged and have shared with him scripture in love but he just says I read scripture one way and he does another. I know that God does not steal, kill, or destroy. God's blessings has no sorrow attached to it. Pls pray for my marriage, my family.
    Hurting,
    Becca

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  13. (In Response to Becca)
    DEVIL, IN THE NAME OF JESUS I BIND YOU! RELEASE HER HUSBAND'S MIND, HEART, SOUL, AND BODY! THIS AFFAIR IS NOT OF GOD! BECCA YOUR HUSBAND HAS BECOME A "LOVER OF HIMSELF AND NOT OF GOD!" (2 Timothy 3:2-4) For men shall be LOVERS of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 4 Traitors, heady, highminded, LOVERS of pleasures more than LOVERS of God; ) GOD IS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHERE IN HIS MESS! I PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND ASK GOD TO GIVE YOU PEACE AS YOU RELEASE THIS MESSSSSSSSSSSSSS UNTO GOD!

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  14. I think God sent me to this site. Problems in my marraige caused me to become aware of sooo many marriages that are under attack. I pray for them all. I found out last year that my husband who I trusted, respected and never in a million years thought he would do this to me did. Things weren't perfect but I at least thought we were working (at least I was) to make it better. We now have been married for 30 plus years. He told me he had ended the relationship. However, I saw no change in his relationship with me. There is no sex, I push him to even hug me. When I confronted him again that he did not end he relationship, he told me he loved her. That was 3 months ago. He is still here no affection toward me. He lied and told me he ended the relationship again. As of a week ago I know he didn't because of a phone call I heard. I will not go into detail of the things he has done. I remained forgiving, kind and thank God there is no arguements or name calling. I have been praying for a miracles. I long for the touch of my husband. The anxiety, fear and tears come too often now. There are people that think I am crazy for still being here. The few of my friends that know have grown tired of my crying and talking. I talk to God. I hurt and want the pain to go away. Please pray for us.

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  15. Prophet Majid i will like to be on your testimonial page, Daddy I must confess to you are spiritual bless I was really touched and feel blessed with the spell you cast for me things started working out for me your daughter cause you are my reason to smile now. Prophet Majid I must apprehend your effort on getting my ex back now he is loving me like there is no tomorrow.Good people feel free to contact him here, prophetmajidspiritualhome@yahoo.com and remain blessed...

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